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I took your sock as an asshole tax.
And I jammed a dime in the machine for every hour you let your wet clothes sit, unattended.
You were outside, watching the thunder and lightning.
You were outside, washing the mildew off your tattered shower curtain.

I took your free coupons for Pizza Hut as a bad neighbor fee.
And I stepped on the pile of mail addressed to you on the floor by the door. When your box got too full to crunch in one more envelope.
When the mailman started to put your mail in my box instead.

I took away your free wireless internet with my brand new password.
And I sent you a virus in a community newsletter before I cut you off.
When your downloads clogged up my bandwidth at all hours.
When your penchant for Randy Newman kept my wall rattling in time with the banister in the hall.

I knocked up your sister with a turkey baster. Because I hope to end your genes.
And I will help her go to Planned Parenthood if she gets cold feet next month.
When she called you with the news and you just called her Unchristian and hung up.
When you condemned her daughter--who is also your daughter--to Hell.

What.
Don't leave your jizz rags in the laundry room anymore, or you can expect more bastard children.